Friday, May 13, 2016

Semester 2 Trust the Gush

Daily Roasts

Author’s Note: Nobody should take offense to these, because it’s just me going off about stuff that doesn’t matter. I hope you enjoy and feel the same way.

Wyatt Cook
Garbage. Gross. Trash. Ewwwwwwww. Yuck! Blahh! What even is it? Have any idea what I’m describing? It’s probably the most disgusting thing you’ve ever seen in your life, and it’ll most likely stay like that forever. It’s just frustrating how you can think someone has that bad of a jumper. Eh, Wyatt has  never had a good jumper in the first place. He never likes to work on it either, because he’d rather scream, “AAYEE,” while jumping to the hoop like a psycho killer trying to catch a body in the lane. How can someone even respect a lad trying to catch a body, when he can’t even get a bucket himself? Well he does, and the only bucket he gets is at KFC, which is weird because he’s 6’5” and only 190 pounds. Everytime he moves or gets up in the morning, there’s a shriek and a yelp that’s heard around the world, showing his early stages of arthritis.

At this point in the presidential election, I’d rather have a half eaten dark horse run our country. The horse would probably do a better job than a fat, mean billionaire, as well as a retired 80 year old nursing home resident. Don’t get me started with Hillary, it’s not because I’m sexist, but a horse at least can’t give away secret U.S. information. And no, I have not thought about leaving the country, only because I enjoy doughnuts and cheeseburgers way too much, as well as canned lemonade. I’m not looking forward to call any candidates my president, so I’m going on strike. The best way to stop this action is to have every person in the country not to vote.  Anarchy at its finest, America is going down in flames!!! SOS!